We all want our children to be capable and confident but how can we, as parents help them to develop theirs competence?
These are my top 10 tips for building your child’s competence:
1. Let them be themselves
Allow them to do things themselves in their own way, and own time. Stand by, smiling, ready to help if required — you are there to keep them safe and encourage them. Only step in if they really need your help. This will help them to see their own competence.
2. Give them manageable challenges.
Select a task that should be challenging but achievable for your child then guide them through it be demonstrating it step by step or using questions to suggest the next step , or allow them to attempt it themselves under your supervision to demonstrate their competence.
3. Don’t test them.
There is no need to quiz your child to find out what they know. It may make you feel good to find out how much they know but it puts pressure on them to get things right. As you engage with them they will soon reveal what they know without being pressed.
4. Focus on the effort rather than the achievement
Praise your child in a way that lets them know that they are successful, rather than their result :
” Well done, you kept trying until you got it!”
” Wow! You figured out how to do that !”
” That’s a hard , but I see you trying to work it out. I’m sure you’ll get it right soon!”
” I see you worked so hard on this .”
5. Encourage mistakes
They need to know that it’s ok to make mistakes and that you will work with them to help fix problems.
6. Don’t set them up for failure .
If you can see that your child is going to fail, you can help by guiding them through each step and helping them to organize their ideas. Just ensure that your child is the one coming up with the ideas, not you. This will help them learn something about how to plan and a complex project and again, demonstrates their competence.
7. Teach self-encouragement.
Research shows that children who “talk” themselves through stay calmer and are therefore better able to persevere. Teach them sayings that they can use as self-encouragement.
” Practice makes perfect !” and” If you don’t suceed , try, try and try again”
8. Model positive self-talk.
Don’t speak negatively about yourself. Train yourself to talk in a way that demonstrates to your child that you love and respect yourself.
9. Manage frustrating situations
If there are situations that you know frustrate your child, try to avoid them. When your child does encounter frustrations, your empathise with them to help them overcome it.
10. Affirm your child’s ability to impact the world
Teach them that their actions matter and give them opportunities to give back and make a difference.
Let’s help out kids grow their competence and impact our world for the better!
If you want help empowering yourself or your kids to have the impact you are meant to have on the world let me know. I’d love to help you grow into the best possible version of yourself.